


Sweet Escape

by dr3amland



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, Romance, ziam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-25
Updated: 2013-07-25
Packaged: 2017-12-21 07:43:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,551
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/897698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr3amland/pseuds/dr3amland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Zayn needed to leave.<br/>Zayn needed to escape.<br/>Zayn needed someone;<br/>To love, to care, to nurture, to be there.<br/>Because thats the last thing he will ever recieve.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sweet Escape

**Author's Note:**

> Ah shit, first one. idk how this will turn out, sorry for errors.
> 
> quick note: This is a fic, meaning this never happened, and probably never will.
> 
> Trigger warnings, so don't read if this'll trigger your tattered mind.
> 
> words: 2521

 

Zayn needed to leave.  
Zayn needed to escape.  
Zayn needed someone;  
To love, to care, to nurture, to be there.  
Because thats the _last_ thing he will ever recieve.

x

* * *

[it started out like this:]

 

 

It was the X-factor auditions, and Zayn was sweating and nervous and was pretty sure a pannic attack would brew soon. I mean, his mom said he can sing, and sometimes if he sang in front of family, they said he should be famous. But that was family, they have to lie right?

And if Zayn actually got in X-factor, maybe he could find peace within himself and his mental state. Its not like he had anything mentally wrong with him, (thats what he swears) hes just under the weather 24/7.

"Sorry, mate. Didn't see you there,"

Zayn looked up and saw big brown eyes. He instantly felt safe, at ease -something hes never felt before- and instantly blushes. Zayn stutteres a small _'sorry, its okay'._ He mentally slaps himself for not having the correct confidence level he strived for.

"Liam," He smiled all squinty like and Zayn's stomach got all warm and he blushed again.

"Zayn," He said with more confidence, and cracked a genuine smile. (thats what he swears)

Zayn studied the brunette.

Besides the puppy brown eyes and the straight yet shaggy brown hair, (that looked so impossibly soft) he noticed he was on the buffer side, -not like a body builder, but not lanky, but not super fit, but just right- he had nice biceps and had a quirky little birthmark on his neck that looked like a little heart.

"You nervous for your audition?" Liam askes, nervousness in his voice making Zayn a _little_ at ease.

"Very," Zayn sighed, "You?" Liam responded with a wide eyed nod.

"Yeah, I was on here when I was 14, but they said I was too young when I got to Simons house. They told me to come back in two years, so we'll see." Liam smiled with hope.

"Wow, mate. You've got some balls coming back here," Zayn had i hint of awe in his voice. Liam laughed. 

Zayn's never made someone laugh before, so that was a new feeling for him.

Liam shrugged, smile still on his face, "Um, can I ask you something?" Liam looked at the floor.

Zayn made a _'hm'_ sound, "D-Do you think you could wait for me? I don't have anyone with me, I'll wait for you I promise."

Zayn agreed because he had no one either, plus, why not have a hot guy wait for you to finish your audition?

And Zayn is relieved after Liam gets in.

But hes more relieved when he gets in too, and Liam's waiting for him with his arms wide open.

  
__Maybe this is what it's like to have a friend._ _

* * *

_  
_[They clique like this:]

 

 

Zayn sighes because he ended up in a boyband.

A _fucking_ boyband.

But the day each boy was filed onto the stage, Zayn saw Liam. And Liam saw Zayn. 

And the day when the judges said that they were givin a second chance, but a chance as a boyband, Liam tackled Zayn, practically falling. He whispered, "Thank god your with me," and then pulled back and whispered "Were going to be best of friends."

Zayn smiles and agrees to that because hes never had a best friend -or even a friend- so this was new to him. And new experiences are something he looked forward to, it distracted him from the life he had. Plus, who doesn't want to be best friends with a hot guy?

  
_No, scratch that_ , Zayn thought, _a beautiful guy_.

~x~

By the end of their X-factor jurney, him and Liam were practically glued together. Or velcrow, or something. 

Zayn knows things about Liam that not even Liams mom knows. Liam tells him aout the bullying, the scars, the attempts, everything.

And Liam knows things about Zayn that Zayn wouldn't tell anyone. (Zayn had no one to tell anything to anyway) Zayn tells him about the beatings, the divorce between his parents, why hes sad all the time, everything. (He even showed Liam his scars because, if Liam can show him, then he damn well can show his own too.)

~x~

Liam's ditched his straight hair and has let his hair natural and in shaggy waves and Zayn's a bit overwhelmed. Both Liam and Zayn shared a small apartment with rooms the size of closets but they didn't mind. They were in the same complex as their band members and thats all that mattered.

Liam and Zayn bond more -if thats even possible- over music and old written songs. They have singing sessions with just the two of them, Liam playing the guitar. 

They watch movies. All kinds of different movies. They have a movie marathon night as much as possible, wich usually results in both of thm falling asleep (tangled limbs, head in the crook of a neck, hand on a waist or hip of course) and one of them wakes up at about 2 am and carries the other to bed.

They're polar opposites when it comes to candy, so on Halloweens, its perfect. Liam takes all the chocolate, and Zayn takes all the fruity candies. Their 'nasty section' usually ends up at Niall's place.

And Zayn is pretty content for an 18 year old depressed boy.

He has Liam. He has a successful career at doing what he loves.

And hes greatful, _so greatful_.

And Zayn has the same message running through his mind whenever hes with Liam:

  
___Maybe this is what a best friend feels like._ _ _

* * *

[They fall like this:]

 

Zayn wakes up in a cold sweat, tears rushing down his cheeks, shaking like a leaf, breathing out of order. Liam comes rushing in and immediately knows, and immediately cares, and immediately holds him close and kisses his forehead, whispering reassuring things.

They talk about the dream.

The dream went like this:

Liam was crying and looked about 15, hurtful words swirling around him like puffs of smoke. He entered his bathroom, filling the bathtub and placing the necessary items on the counter. (The letter was already on the table by the door right in front of the key basket) Liam sits fully clothed, blade in one hand, pill bottle in the other. And Zayn can feel the cold metal dig deeper and deeper in the skin and the pain, he can feel the blood trickle down his arm and some of the blood that seeps into other newly formed gashes, the tightness and burning of the throat because he had swallowed them with no water, (even though hes sitting in it) and finally he felt the bloody water rush into his nose and mouth, enabling him to breath. And the less he could breath and the deeper the cuts went and the more pills were swallowed the more words were blowing in his face and going into his nose and mouth suffocating him, peeling and clawing his skin and screaming and shouting in his ear and hes never felt so scared.

Zayn's never held someone so tight in his life. And he ignores Liams wheezy request to loosen his grip a litte because he can't breathe, because god, he felt what Liam had felt, what Liam had did. Zayn's a sobing blubbery mess and Liam has no emotion on his face but he still has that spark in his eyes. 

No matter how many times Liam whisperes that it will never happen again, and that hes fine and ok now and happy, Zayn doesn't stop clinging to his shirt and crying into his chest and saying how sorry he is that that had happened and that he should've been there. (Even though he had no clue who he was back then)

Liam can't handle it, he can't handel the crying, he can't handel Zayn's face, he can't handel the tears pouring down Zayn's soft cheeks, making his thick long eye lashes look like they've been clumped with mascara, he can't handel the heart wrenching sobs that are leaving Zayn's mouth.

Liam explodes.

He decides not to say 'calm the fuck down'.

But decides to kiss him instead.

The kiss is soft and reassuring and even though tears are still pouring down Zay'ns face and the tears are sticking to Liams face its ok and then theres tongue and Liam and Zayn are making little noises because they've never had a kiss like that in there life and god it was nice.

"I love you"

"I love you too"

_Maybe this is what it feels like to be in love._

* * *

[They break like this:]

 

Liam and Zayn have been going out for a solid 1 year. They're what every couple envys because the love is oozing out of there eyes and gestures and kisses and voices and anything else you can think of. 

But then things go wrong.

I mean, what goes right, will go _wrong_.

For example:

Liam was up against the back of the tour bus, and of course kissing Zayn. Its not like someone will see them right? Wrong. So so wrong. They've kept their relationship a secret for so long and one little screw up could ruin everything. And I mean _everything_. 

"Oh my god" someone gasped, and phones clicked. Liam's eyes snapped open, seeing all the people gathered around and he pushed Zayn off instantly. All the shouts of 'omg ziam!' and then the ones that weren't so nice 'ew gross queers'

But then Liam did the worst thing possible.

"What the hell Zayn," Zayn furrowed his brows, "Get the fuck off me you pathetic queer, stay away from me, my god I'm straight you prick," Liam yelled loud enough so that the people takin pictures would be able to hear, to listen and see what was going on, so that he wouldn't get hate, so that he wouldn't get in trouble.

  
_Zayn would_.

Because Liam is selfish and scared. Scared of his sexuality and who he is. The lables and names people use choke him and claw him and beat him to the point of blaming a person way _way_ more broken then Liam will ever be.

And there was no way he could just laugh and say _'just kidding, babe, love you'_

_No._

Zayns eyes went wide and filled with tears as Liam stormed off, leaving Zayn unprotected with a mob of people who were laughing and pointing at him saying 'worthless' 'stupid fag' and so much more and he just froze. They ran over to him, screaming repulsive, vomit worthy words and then they kicked and hit and punched and scratched and stomped on his head until there was a sickening crack and stepped so much on his stomach, that it had been gashed open with a heel.

And Liam was gone. Liam had left him. Liam had caused this. Liam lied to protect himself.

Once Zayn was unconcious, covered in blood and tears the people got bord and they left him there.

No one knew where he was to the point where they had to start the concert without him. But hours and hours later, the boys were going to the next city. They were about to get on the bus when they heard Niall yell out a _'holy shit its Zayn'_ and the boys ran over to him. But there was no pulse.

No pulse at all. 

  
__Maybe this is what it feels like to be worthless._ _

* * *

[The recovery goes like this:]

 

No one knows. No one knows how he survived that.

He had to get the back of his head stapled back together and theres now a giant scar on his stomach from that heel wound.

And so much more is wrong.

Zayn was in a coma for over two months. The boys visited him, Liam the only one who actually knew what happened to Zayn at the moment. But then as the months went by, they stopped going.

And Zayn;

He knew.

He knew that they stopped visiting him and that they didn't care anymore.

Well, except for Niall.

Niall had been there since the first night in the hospital, and since one direction are off, he goes to visit Zayn from when visiting hours started, to when the security had to force him out.

Every time Niall would go to see him, hed tell him about his day and something cool that Harry did or something funny that Louis found and sometimes he talked about Liam and how he was all smiles. (No one knew about what happened) But then Niall would sing for him until his voice gave out and he latched his hand onto Zayn's and fell asleep.

Zayn was actually pretty content with just Niall visiting him. It was nice, calm.

So when Zayn finally woke up Niall stormed in with such anger in his face, fists clenched and Zayn could've sworn that was blood on his knuckles.

"Whoa, Ni. Ca-"

"Zayn," Niall cooed, grinning and pulling him into a hug.

"Ni, how'd I end up here?"

"Whats the last thing you remember?"

"Winning 3rd place on X-factor" 

Niall was going to _kill_ Liam. 

* * *

[Zayn shatters like this:]

 

Zayn has been without a phone and tv for about a month and hes going to explode. Everything goes back to normal with Liam and Zayn and Liam smiles because its like a get out of jail free card.

But then Zayn's left alone while the boys are at an interview and Zayn goes to the cleaning cubbord because he saw Louis put his phone there and Zayn danced in victory and whispered _'its 'bout damn time I played candy crush'._

So after a few hours of candy rush saga, he goes on twitter.

But thats when everything goes horribley wrong.

So horribley wrong.

The video was played on repeat because he doesn't remember that happe-

Then it hits him. His head starts to pound as all the memories come floodding back.

The relationship. The kiss by the tour bus. The way Liam lied. The way Liam left him.

Then the words on his phone seemed to jump off the screen. The words clawed and punched and screamed and sounded like nails on a chalk board and they went on for pages and pages and Zayn couldn't handel it. The scene of what took place replayed over and over and over again. 

Zayn needed to leave

Zayn needed to escape

Zayn had to escape the words that were eating him alive and he needed to leave this world because hes just not right.

Zayn scribbled a short but heart felt note to everyone.

He mostly wrote to Niall, because god no ones been there more when he needed him.

So Zayn did what Liam had did.

Except he cut deeper, and doubled the pill dosage. I mean he already felt it so why not do that?

Zayn's heart is beating so achingly slow. But it feels good to Zayn, so good. Hes slipping away and he can see himself on a beach. And he can swim and he can breathe under water and hes with dolphins and sea turtles and hes actually smiling.

_Maybe this is what it feels like to be happy._


End file.
